stop holding yourself back.

I know I've had the quote "stop holding yourself back" in my blog header for quite awhile now...
But I just love it, and think it says it all. I don't think any of you know this but I've always struggled with anxiety. I've never really done anything about it, and I let it fully control my life. The anxiety disorder started in grade school, I was in 3rd grade. I also developed another 'medical struggle' from my anxiety that I won't say for reasons, but I remember missing a ton of school in elementary because my anxiety was that bad. And to this day, it still keeps me from doing things I wanna do. I haven't been living my life at all. I grew up with anxiety, and that is why I am the way I am today. And I hate it. My anxiety isn't as bad now as it was 7 or so years ago, but because it was with me through out so many years, it has made me how I am, I still have those habits. This anxiety kept me from being a kid when I was little, and now. I can't do things I wanna do because of it. It's hard for me to go out and have fun and enjoy myself.
I guess this is why I blog so much about self discovery and change, because this is what is what I mean..
Enough is enough. I can't let it keep controlling my life. I just can't. I can't afford to lose any more of my years, 7 years is too much already. I want to go out and actually live, I don't wanna stay inside locked away. I want to stop being so dang afraid. I gotta stop holding myself back. It just needs to be done. I can't even tell you how much I've lost because of this horrible, horrible anxiety. I've lost friendships, I've pushed so many people out of my life. I've missed out on having fun. I've lost a big part of my childhood. I've lost 3 years of my teenage years. I've lost a lot.
And i've had it. I'm done. I'm gonna stop letting anxiety control me, my thoughts, and my life. I want to go out and be able to create myself and just have fun. I want to change, I truly whole heartily want to change. And I know that I am going to be able to overcome that, this year. I am determined. It might be a slow process, but at the end of the year, I want to be able to look back and say "Wow, that was so much fun." and keep that through out my life. My New Year's resolution is to stop holding myself back and live. No more sitting back watching my life go by, it's time to start living it. Truth be told I don't know how to start with this change and it might be a slow process, but God will help me through it. I also will start saying yes to opportunities, because I know I will get so much more out of life by that and that's what I'm aiming for.